To spank, beat, flog or not

I am not writing this as an expert. I am only going to share what I have learnt and what I am learning on this journey. I know in part…1Cor 13:9.

Some swear by spanking as the best form of discipline while some on the other hand totally condemn it. Those who are for it quote Prov 23:13-14…….if you beat him with the rod, he will not die, Prov 29:15 and the commonest one Prov 13:24 spare the rod……These verses are part of the justifications for those who believe in spanking. Interestingly, some people believe that the rod in Proverbs is referring to the Word of God. Their explanation is that we are supposed to train our children with God’s word and not the physical rod. For them, the rod connotes the Word of God

God told us to train up our children in the way of the Lord. Training involves teaching and giving instructions. I believe training should be deliberate and also something we do as the need arises. In fact, we should seize every opportunity to train, instruct and teach. It should involve planning and preparation for it to be effective. To train is to discipline. Discipline is also punishment to correct bad behaviour but we tend to focus more on punishment and that is where I have problem with spanking.

Beating or spanking is a lazy way of parenting. It is very easy to beat and more difficult to train because training takes effort and time. One thing we need to realise is that you do not have a right to punish your son for a behaviour until you have instructed him previously about the behaviour and you have also extended grace to him. It is difficult but I believe at the long run and especially in this generation, having the time to parent our sons will yield a positive result more than bringing out the rod, cane or belt to beat or flog each time they misbehave.

My position about beating is summarised below;

  1. It should be done out of love if you must and if you have to.
  2. It should be minimal and controlled.
  3. It shouldn’t be done out of anger.
  4. It should be used as the last resort when all else has failed.
  5. If you live in a country where beating is not allowed, don’t be a law breaker.

It is important that we put effort in parenting our sons. To train them up in the way they should go so they can become who God has created them to be.

Why are you shouting?

When my 1st son was much younger probably before he turned 3 years old. He used to ask his grandma – my mum anytime she raised her voice, ‘Grandma, why are you shouting?’ He used to ask the question very innocently. Rewind back to when I was much younger, I and my siblings used to tease my mum about our grandma. She could shout for Africa and we sincerely hoped my mum wouldn’t learn to shout like her mum. Your guess is as good as mine whether that hope was dashed or not.

Fast forward to decades later, I have unconsciously become a yeller – is that not what they call it now?

I once read that people shout when there is a wall separating them. Those whose hearts are knitted, with no wall standing between them only need to whisper. So, if you are shouting, does it mean there is a wall between and your children or spouse as the case may be? Wall could be your lack of understanding of how to communicate with that son. Are you really listening to him? Because by listening, you will understand your and know the best way to communicate with him. Sometimes, you may need to cast down every imaginations and every high thing in the place of prayer to be able to communicate effectively.

It’s important we mind the way we use our words on our sons and daughters because our words have tremendous power to break or make them. The people of Solomon Islands understands this. I read that to fell a great tree, they yell on the tree daily and after 30 days of cursing and yelling enough negative energy would have been generated to bring the tree down. I don’t know how true the story about Solomon Islands is but one thing is sure yelling is counter productive to you and your sons.

If you have trained them to only obey you when you have yelled, please re-train them to obey you while you are whispering. You don’t have to raise your voice to prove any point.

I am going to start a no yelling challenge with my boys. No yelling, just talking and whispering…lol. Who will join me?

 

When I had a flat tyre

So, sometimes last week, I had a flat tyre early in the morning right in front of my sons’ school. The car couldn’t be moved to the nearest place where I could fix the tyre. I was with my friend and colleague. We dropped our children in their classes and came back to the car. We try to see if there was anyone who could help us change the tyre and after waiting for few minutes, I told my friend that I wanted to change the tyre. We brought out the spare tyre and the tools.You see, I hadn’t changed a tyre before but I was willing to give it a try. In fact, I believed that I could do it.

I also realised more importantly that no one was going to stop and help two ladies who were stranded at almost 7 in the morning if they refused to help themselves.

Then, there were people who didn’t think we should be changing tyres. Generally in life, there will be people who think you cannot or should not do whatever you have set your heart to do. They are everywhere, quick to discourage you from doing what you planned to do and some actually meant well. You just keep your eyes away from the distractions. Get your focus on God. Keep your eyes on the final outcome.

Good thing was that we got a help. A gentleman offered to help us. Two colleagues also stopped to lend helping hands. They didn’t give up when the flat tyre was difficult to be removed because of a safety measure applied to keep it more secure.

Another key lesson is that you will most likely not get a help if you refused to lift a finger. You need to start doing something about your issues. Have you prayed about them? You need to show up ready to use the help God has prepared for you.

You need the right tools which may translate to the right skill sets, right mindset, right attitude etc.

Be kind to everyone. You will never know whose help you will need tomorrow. The gentleman who came to assist us was encouraged or permitted to do so by his employer who he works for as a driver. I am not sure we had spoken to each other before that day but that didn’t prevent her from helping us.

Why is this on Raising Boys? Apart from the lessons we could all learn from my story, mums of boys, let your boys learn to change tyres…lol. Seriously? Yes. Dads of boys who can change tyres, let the boys help when next you want to do it. Teach the boys to be handy. It will come handy. Have you had a similar experience? Please share.

Ponder the rock from which you were cut!

I will like to share something that I got from last Sunday’s message in the church I attend. I pray that we will be blessed by God’s word.

I don’t know how many of us believe in generational curses or struggles. I do but I do not live in fear concerning it. What I do is to look at my lineage and hubby’s lineage as far as I know and pray against what looks like evil patterns.

I pray that my boys will not partake in any evil inheritance. I cut off their ties with their lineage that could speak against them negatively in the place of prayer.

Back to the message, the preacher mentioned that we need to fight certain battles and win so that our children will not fight such battles. This is particularly important to me

This is the Scripture that convinced me about looking at where I’m coming from.

Hearken to me, ye that follow after righteousness, ye that seek the Lord : look unto the rock whence ye are hewn, and to the hole of the pit whence ye are digged.
Isaiah 51:1 KJV

I will encourage you to look at where you came from and pray for your children accordingly. I pray that God will guide us in Jesus name amen.

I will like to read your thoughts about this.

Jesus calms the storms Mark 4:35-41 & Matthew 14:22-33

I will like to share our lesson for today at the Children’s Church. By the way, I teach in the Children’s Church. It’s something I enjoy doing and I pray that God helps me to continue to impact those boys and girls and point them towards Jesus always in Jesus name amen.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble Psalm 46:1 was the memory verse.


We saw where Jesus calmed a storm by saying ‘Peace Be Still!’ after His disciples thought they were going to perish despite that Jesus was in the boat with them sleeping soundly. Many of us think that way when we are faced with challenging situations. I had to preach the message to myself when I was preparing for the lesson. I told myself that Jesus is in my boat and He’s a very present help – not yesterday’s help though He was the One who took me through yesterday nor the future’s help (far away somewhere) though He’s the One who will help me tomorrow rather, He is my present help. He is always available and ever ready to help me.

He calmed another storm after He stepped into the boat with Peter who He had saved from drowning because he took his eyes off Jesus. The disciples were frightened when they saw someone walking towards them on the water. Jesus calmed their fears and Peter walked on water to meet with Him but he started drowning when he doubted.
I pray we will learn to give our fears to God. I pray we will trust Him to help us when we have a problem.

Are we finding any aspect of parenting challenging? Invite Jesus and give the challenges to Him. Let Him handle them and calm all the storms.
I wish you all the best with your boys as you begin this brand new week.
I speak peace to every storms raging around you and your boys. Peace Be Still! In Jesus name amen.

**food for thought **

I’ll like to share one of the things that motivate me to pay attention to my boys. It is a fact that the male folks can become the endangered species, if care is not taken. I can hear someone say, how do you mean, Abiodun? Well, just look around you and think about that time when it was believed that a girl’s education ends in the kitchen.  Look at how much things have changed. Do you realize so many women empowerment groups were birthed to cater for the peculiar needs of women?

What are we doing to empower the boys too? How many male support groups do you see on social media especially on Facebook? What do they discuss in Men’s fellowship in churches? A friend once told me that he told them in his church men’s fellowship that he will stop attending meeting if they don’t stop talking about how to raise money to build for the church or buy something for the church. No one is teaching them how to be men, how to provide, protect and how to be a priest in their homes. They are not learning how to be husbands and fathers. No wonder we have only few men who understand what it takes to be all that God has purposed them to be.

Women are being empowered and encouraged to continue to break the glass ceiling, this is good seeing I’m a woman 😉 but are we equally empowering our men to be confident and not to chicken out as they watch the girls take the centre – stage?

Like I said, this is one of the reasons why I pay attention to my boys.

What are your thoughts?

Do you agree with me?

Random thoughts!

What is it with the prayers by MCs  at weddings?

This is the second time I will be hearing these prayers at wedding reception.

MC: If bride goes behind the groom to look for another man, God please expose her.

Wedding guests:Amen!

MC:  If the groom goes behind the bride to look for another woman, God please forgive him.

Wedding guests : laughs (some say Amen)

I know it is supposed to be a joke but I don’t find it funny. Adultery is not funny. It is sinful and destructive. Its other names are not affairs, a fling, straying and it’s definitely bigger than cheating.  Those other names make it look like one of those things. It is not at all.

Why am I bothered? Because I do not want my sons to grow up believing that adultery is normal. Girls shouldn’t grow up thinking they have to accept by bad behaviour too.

MCs, stop reinforcing sin or bad behaviour!

Parents, I dare you to raise godly boys!

Your good intention is not enough!

Sometimes we meant well by what our actions. We are guided by our values and desires with good intentions but have we weighed those values, actions, confessions, desires, mission statement etc with God’s word?
 
I’m sure we have chosen to attend a particular church because of her doctrine. Do those doctrines have root in God’s word? Have you forgotten God spoke against those who teach rules of men for doctrines Matt 15:9?
Yes, I know the founder of the church/ministry meant well but is it enough to teach for doctrines the commandments of men.
 
In the secular world, we hold politicians to the rule of law and not their good intentions. We are guided by our work ethics, mission statement and code of conducts in the office and not our good intentions.
 
Now as mum of boys, what are you teaching the next generation? Are your instructions to them based on what you saw your mum tell your brothers? Or what the society/culture dictates? All guided by your good intentions.
 
I will like to challenge you and myself today that you need to do more. The world is changing everyday, you need more than the skill sets of yesterday to train today’s children. Your good intention is not enough too! You need to download instruction from the owner’s manual, get updated and be prepared!
 
Stay blessed!

Keep the answer simple.

My 7 year old son asked me for the meaning of sexual this evening and he actually spelt the word – s-e-x-u-a-l. I had learnt before now not to freak out when I hear certain questions and I had also learnt not to give out more information than is required. I always want to know where the child is coming from and what the child already knows so as to give just the right answer as required. I asked him casually where he got the word. Apparently, he saw a book on child sexual abuse on his teacher’s desk…..Thank God 🙂 How did I answer his question? Well, I told him sexual is about his penis and what he does with it while abuse is bad use of something – in this case, his penis. We’ve learnt about the ‘Underwear Rule’ before now. Penis is used to urinate and it is a private part which must be kept private.  No one is expected to touch inside his underwear. Abuse is when someone wants to touch his penis or play with it. Abuse is also when you use something for what it’s not supposed to be used for. Has your child put you on the spot before? What was the question and how did you answer it?