Ponder the rock from which you were cut!

I will like to share something that I got from last Sunday’s message in the church I attend. I pray that we will be blessed by God’s word.

I don’t know how many of us believe in generational curses or struggles. I do but I do not live in fear concerning it. What I do is to look at my lineage and hubby’s lineage as far as I know and pray against what looks like evil patterns.

I pray that my boys will not partake in any evil inheritance. I cut off their ties with their lineage that could speak against them negatively in the place of prayer.

Back to the message, the preacher mentioned that we need to fight certain battles and win so that our children will not fight such battles. This is particularly important to me

This is the Scripture that convinced me about looking at where I’m coming from.

Hearken to me, ye that follow after righteousness, ye that seek the Lord : look unto the rock whence ye are hewn, and to the hole of the pit whence ye are digged.
Isaiah 51:1 KJV

I will encourage you to look at where you came from and pray for your children accordingly. I pray that God will guide us in Jesus name amen.

I will like to read your thoughts about this.

Advertisements

STEREOTYPES, CULTURAL EXPECTATIONS AND OUR DOUBLE STANDARDS

The stereotypes: A woman is responsible for cleaning, cooking and caring for the children and her husband. She is responsible for school runs, she attends PTA, goes to the market and is generally responsible for all domestic affairs. You may add career to the mix for her.

A man is to be cared for by his wife. He’s the lord, master and the head of the family. He provides and protects his family. He must be seen to be in control of his household dictating to his wife and children and if doesn’t do all that, he is a woman wrapper or a wimp.
May be things are a bit different in your area but what I have described above is the reality for a lot of people.
Cultural expectations on the other hand has not changed despite the reality of our days. A woman is expected to be all that I have listed above and sometimes she is not expected to have a help. Some thinks she’s lazy if she employed a cook, cleaner, nanny or househelp. She is supposed to go to work and still perform all the traditional roles.

Our double standards come into play when the man cannot fulfil his traditional role and yet, he cannot help in any other way. I read something profound today which I’ve already shared on my wall. A man concluded that if he couldn’t provide money, he could provide in other ways.

This double standard has nothing to do with whether the man is educated, enlightened or not. From the akara and roasted corn seller who is doing everything to put food on the table in her home with no support from her husband and she’s expected to play all her traditional roles plus her husband’s to the female boardroom executive.
I am not saying the man should be emasculated (is that not what they call it?) just because. All I am saying is that men should man up! It is just fair to contribute your quota in one way or the other. Find a way to provide support. It could come in any way. Stay relevant!

More and more women are getting empowered and are breaking the glass ceilings. Men must find way to stay relevant as the head, leader and provider. Leadership is not by controlling or by being oppressive. It’s about responsibility, about service, about support, about laying good examples especially for the boy – child and the girl -child. Man, you can’t hold on tightly to your traditional roles when you expect the woman to do much more. Be fair, be a leader and man up!

#raisingboys #manup #leadersbydesign #pledgeforparity

This write-up is dedicated to all women especially those who are wearing double hats. You are stronger than you think. God will reward you.

Abiodun

This was originally posted on my personal Facebook profile wall on the 9th of March, 2016. I decided to publish it here because it’s in line with Raising Boys vision.

How to limit the time your boys spend in front of television

Many of our children spend lots of time in front of TV. They would have probably watched TV for a quarter of their age by the time they are ten years old if they spend average of 4 hours in front of TV weekdays and 12 hours on weekends starting from Friday night. Some children actually spend more than 42 hours a week in front of TV especially when schools are on vacation. That’s too much time that could be use for other things like homework, playing, interacting with family members, exercising, outdoor and indoor games, relaxing, sleeping e.t.c.

Watching TV late into the nights accounts for why some children would go to bed late from my what I gathered from my students in Sunday School class. Another reason why they would sleep late apart from watching TV is due to playing of games.

I have come up with a list of what has helped me to reduce the number of hours my boys spend in the front of the entertaining box. I will like to share them with you hoping they will help you. I will also like to hear from you about what is working for you.

  1. Lead by example. This is the best place to start because your children learn more from what you do than what you tell them. You can’t spend the whole moment in front of the box and expect your children to stay away;.
  2. Set and enforce a rule that will guide how long your children spend in front of TV.  One of our rules is that there’s no TV on weekdays and minimal number of hours like 2 hours on weekends. There are times that we do not follow the rule to the letter but it’s better to have a guide so you know when you are falling out of line. Another rule is that no child goes to put on the TV without permission. Another rule guides channel that they could watch and so on and so forth.
  3. I don’t believe in having TV in children’s room and I believe this is helping us to achieve our aim for minimal time in front of TV. Some parents will not agree with this rule, please do whatever works for you but make sure you are the one truly in charge.
  4. Schedule the time they would have spent in front of TV for other activities. Be creative. You could give your child practise questions to help with school work, ask them to study times table for example, study memory verses, you could do art work together, spend time talking with them, buy books and encourage them to read them. I have discovered that my boys get more creative when there is no TV with the house more chaotic and messy but that’s better than having them prop up in front of TV. They also interact better with each other.

It is good to point out that watching TV is not bad. It is too much of it that is bad for us and our boys. There are many educational programmes that are very beneficial to children.  Likewise, there are many programmes that are bad for them. The key things are moderation and supervision.

It is also good to know that early exposure of children below the age of 2 years to TV has been proven to lead to poor cognitive development. My advise to those who love to use TV to baby-sit is to look for alternatives or minimise the use of TV to the barest minimum.

What do you think? What is working for you? Let me hear read your thoughts.

Four ways to make your son eat healthy.

‘Health is wealth’ is a popular saying which is true in every sense of it. One way that we can lay a good foundation for healthy living for our sons is by what we feed them or what we allow them to consume. I am going to outline three ways that we can encourage our sons to eat healthy. They are as follows;

  1. Cook healthy meals for your family. If you don’t cook it, they won’t eat it especially if they eat most of their meals at home. Join groups, read books and learn how to cook healthy meals. Grill your meats and fishes instead of frying, don’t overcook your food. Use natural oils such as olive oil, coconut oil, groundnut oil, soya beans oil that are not over-processed instead of refined and over-bleached oil. Buy fresh food where available instead of canned food. Limit your eating out to once in a while because most restaurant meals are laden with fat, salt and sweeteners.
  2. Most children do not like to eat fruits and vegetables. Find a way to make fruits colourful and appealing to them. Cut them to nice shapes and character.Fruit platesOne way I add vegetables to their meal is to boil and blend vegetables such as carrots, green beans, celery, green pepper and use the paste as sauce for rice, yam or bread..lol. The last time I experimented with this mixture, I blended more of carrots and onions and added to stew. My boys didn’t suspect anything at all.
  3. Don’t stock your house with junks. If you don’t have it or buy it, you won’t consume it. I made up my mind to stop buying instant noodles after I read a post on Natural Nigerian. It wasn’t easy to stop completely. I first of all reduced the frequency of its consumption to once or twice a week but I discovered that it was a go-to meal whenever I wasn’t available at home. So, I stopped altogether. We’ve largely replaced it with sweet potatoes, Irish potatoes, beans and pasta. Cut down on their sugar intake too. Let candies and juices be treats rather than their everyday meal.
  4. Lead by example. Let them see you eat healthy, then they will copy you. There is a way you can be eating healthy and pass on a different message to your children. It might be a subtle message that those are for mummy or daddy and these are for us. Encourage every member of your family to eat healthy. Be consistent, in summary, do what you preach.

These are by no means exhaustive. What are your thoughts? What have you done that has worked for you? Please, tell.

Happy 2016, Raising Boys community!

Yeah!  There’s something exciting about a new year. The joy of a new beginning, the privilege of being alive and the hopes and aspirations that things will become better.

Welcome to this brand new year 2016!

I will encourage you to go back to your goals if you didn’t include parenting goals. You can’t afford to be an accidental parent this year. Be deliberate, I have said that a lot of times. Plan, execute, evaluate, learn and re-evaluate yourself.

This is my first post this year so I will make it short. Expect the best from me this year because I know we can only get better and better.

Thank you for your support in the past as we look forward to a year filled with testimonies.

Thank you and Stay blessed!

Jesus calms the storms Mark 4:35-41 & Matthew 14:22-33

I will like to share our lesson for today at the Children’s Church. By the way, I teach in the Children’s Church. It’s something I enjoy doing and I pray that God helps me to continue to impact those boys and girls and point them towards Jesus always in Jesus name amen.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble Psalm 46:1 was the memory verse.


We saw where Jesus calmed a storm by saying ‘Peace Be Still!’ after His disciples thought they were going to perish despite that Jesus was in the boat with them sleeping soundly. Many of us think that way when we are faced with challenging situations. I had to preach the message to myself when I was preparing for the lesson. I told myself that Jesus is in my boat and He’s a very present help – not yesterday’s help though He was the One who took me through yesterday nor the future’s help (far away somewhere) though He’s the One who will help me tomorrow rather, He is my present help. He is always available and ever ready to help me.

He calmed another storm after He stepped into the boat with Peter who He had saved from drowning because he took his eyes off Jesus. The disciples were frightened when they saw someone walking towards them on the water. Jesus calmed their fears and Peter walked on water to meet with Him but he started drowning when he doubted.
I pray we will learn to give our fears to God. I pray we will trust Him to help us when we have a problem.

Are we finding any aspect of parenting challenging? Invite Jesus and give the challenges to Him. Let Him handle them and calm all the storms.
I wish you all the best with your boys as you begin this brand new week.
I speak peace to every storms raging around you and your boys. Peace Be Still! In Jesus name amen.

**food for thought **

I’ll like to share one of the things that motivate me to pay attention to my boys. It is a fact that the male folks can become the endangered species, if care is not taken. I can hear someone say, how do you mean, Abiodun? Well, just look around you and think about that time when it was believed that a girl’s education ends in the kitchen.  Look at how much things have changed. Do you realize so many women empowerment groups were birthed to cater for the peculiar needs of women?

What are we doing to empower the boys too? How many male support groups do you see on social media especially on Facebook? What do they discuss in Men’s fellowship in churches? A friend once told me that he told them in his church men’s fellowship that he will stop attending meeting if they don’t stop talking about how to raise money to build for the church or buy something for the church. No one is teaching them how to be men, how to provide, protect and how to be a priest in their homes. They are not learning how to be husbands and fathers. No wonder we have only few men who understand what it takes to be all that God has purposed them to be.

Women are being empowered and encouraged to continue to break the glass ceiling, this is good seeing I’m a woman 😉 but are we equally empowering our men to be confident and not to chicken out as they watch the girls take the centre – stage?

Like I said, this is one of the reasons why I pay attention to my boys.

What are your thoughts?

Do you agree with me?

Random thoughts!

What is it with the prayers by MCs  at weddings?

This is the second time I will be hearing these prayers at wedding reception.

MC: If bride goes behind the groom to look for another man, God please expose her.

Wedding guests:Amen!

MC:  If the groom goes behind the bride to look for another woman, God please forgive him.

Wedding guests : laughs (some say Amen)

I know it is supposed to be a joke but I don’t find it funny. Adultery is not funny. It is sinful and destructive. Its other names are not affairs, a fling, straying and it’s definitely bigger than cheating.  Those other names make it look like one of those things. It is not at all.

Why am I bothered? Because I do not want my sons to grow up believing that adultery is normal. Girls shouldn’t grow up thinking they have to accept by bad behaviour too.

MCs, stop reinforcing sin or bad behaviour!

Parents, I dare you to raise godly boys!

Before you send your boys on vacation……

All nursery, primary and secondary students are supposed to be on vacation at this period with the exceptions of those preparing for special Exams by next session.

One of the issues that bother parents especially busy parents is where to keep the children when they are on holiday. When I was growing up, I remember my older sisters and cousins used to travel to visit aunties and uncles during the holiday. I have also travelled to stay with relatives at different times.

Things are a bit different in this age and time or should I say that we are more aware of things that are happening around us. We hear about cases of rape and all kinds of abuse including sexual and physical abuse around us and many of us are scared to let our children out of our homes. Most of concerns are actually very valid but does that mean we should keep them under our roofs forever? I don’t think so. Let me share few tips that could help you in making an informed decision below.

1. Before you send your children to any relative, make sure they are old enough to stay there without you or you may consider sending them with their nanny. Children are different but I think they should be fine from 8years.

2. Send them to only trusted relatives or friends, I can’t stress that enough.

3. If you are sending them to their grandparents’ place. Please, make sure their grandma or grandpa is strong enough to supervise them especially if other grandchildren will be coming there too. We were told during a workshop on sexual abuse of children that a lot of  things go wrong at grandpa and grandma’s house. Abuser of children may turn out to be an older cousin or grandma’s neighbour.

4. Your children should be able to do basic things on their own before you consider sending them for vacation. They should be able to brush, bath and dress up on their own. They should also be able to eat on their own.

5. Listen to your children and also, observe their body language. Don’t force them to like one particular aunt or uncle. Don’t force them to go to where they don’t particularly like.

6. Going on vacation is better together as a family. Consider doing that.

7. Above all, pray.

The points above are not exhaustive but I believe they will be of help to you.

Your good intention is not enough!

Sometimes we meant well by what our actions. We are guided by our values and desires with good intentions but have we weighed those values, actions, confessions, desires, mission statement etc with God’s word?
 
I’m sure we have chosen to attend a particular church because of her doctrine. Do those doctrines have root in God’s word? Have you forgotten God spoke against those who teach rules of men for doctrines Matt 15:9?
Yes, I know the founder of the church/ministry meant well but is it enough to teach for doctrines the commandments of men.
 
In the secular world, we hold politicians to the rule of law and not their good intentions. We are guided by our work ethics, mission statement and code of conducts in the office and not our good intentions.
 
Now as mum of boys, what are you teaching the next generation? Are your instructions to them based on what you saw your mum tell your brothers? Or what the society/culture dictates? All guided by your good intentions.
 
I will like to challenge you and myself today that you need to do more. The world is changing everyday, you need more than the skill sets of yesterday to train today’s children. Your good intention is not enough too! You need to download instruction from the owner’s manual, get updated and be prepared!
 
Stay blessed!